Working on my voice.

Hey everyone as I hope I said. A friend of mine is helping me develop my voice. Here is a piece of work I did for him.

Pain:
The biggest pain in my life would be an emotional experience. For the last several years I had/have been hardening myself, my heart from any pain. I put up wall after wall. If one wall came tumbling down. I would simply rebuild it. I might even put some steel poles to help support the red bricks guarding my heart, and emotions from pain. Some emotions I would put a steel bolted wall up, protect myself from more pain.
I am always afraid to get hurt, to hurt myself and others. Since I am such a compassionate person, I feel the same hurt emotionally that someone else might. I imagine how they feel. When I imagine how someone might feel a small black whole starts to appear in my heart. Just like all black wholes this whole grows, and grows, and grow. Until I end feeling depressed for a feeling that is not even my own. I end up having to do something about it, confront the person apologizing, whatever I just know I have to do something about it.
Well if a Black Whole forms in my heart from someone else's pain, then my own pain would destroy myself. No matter how many walls I would build or rebuild. No matter how much I would reinforce them. Nothing can escape a black whole. Eventually the walls got stronger, closing out all my emotions, shutting the door on the pain. The black whole would eventually tear down that wall, causing more pain.
Slowly who I was, who I tried to protect began to be destroyed because I locked who and what I was inside where it could be sucked into a black whole. It would be lost forever. I would be lost forever.
The strongest wall I ever built was when my cat died. My fat cat. I had her for 14 years. She helped me through everything. With her death it started a landslide of terrible things that was to happen to me in 2009. My mind thought only on the negative. Even though there was good things I could only focus on the negative. This led to depression, to pain the again I walled up.
Sometimes small wholes or cracks formed in the wall. I would find myself crying out, crying balling. A pain that was destroying my heart. A pain that needed to be healed. The black whole needed filled. It's hunger to take away my pain.
I would never let it do what it was supposed to do. Instead of a Black Whole, this was a White Whole. At the center of the whole was a simple of love. A simple so strong, a simple so powerful ithas endured for centuries. Through persecution it grow, a simple that gives life and takes away pain. The simple was a blood stained cross.
I thought that I was walling up the black whole. No. I was walling up the negative emotions, that would leak out. They would always find a small rabbit whole in a wall that I thought was gone. When they escaped their escapeable prison. All these emotions would come at me, like a raging storm knocking me down, causing me to feel depressed, feel the pain I thought I buried. They would poor through the wholes like molten hot liquid glass. Their only attentions were to destroy me to burn me.
I would rebuild the walls. But the damage was done. Their pain cause me to reflect even more on the negative of life. But the White Whole was still their it eventually sucked away the pain. But I limited it. I walled it up as well. I changed its path. Adverted the whole from moving. Moved the storm, Holding onto that pain and anger was the only way I knew to hold onto the memories, to hold onto my cat. I put the whole to the only other spot it could go my positive feeling. The good times with my cat.
All the good times faded away, feeding a hunger from a beast that could never be filled. Never be filled until it destroyed its self. I slowly began to lose track of who I was. What I was to do. All life was filled with decay. Death surrounded me. I was fighting one of the universes most powerful forces alone. All my attacks all my plans backfired. The beast of a black whole would just shoot the walls I built back at me. Shoot my defenses down. Destroy everything I tried to do to it.
A war was waging. I felt cornered, lost. A war I did not think I could win. I turned to God, I would feel ok, I never realized this was when I would let the Black Whole tear down my walls. The pain came pooring in faster and hotter then before. It would burn your eyes without looking at it. Pain seized me. I would wall the pain back up. Leaving God behind in the process.
Finally their was no diffense left. Eventually I had no choice but to face the black whole. I stood in front the walls I built staring down a black whole that took up the whole cosmos. I yelled shouted for it to go away. It would not budge. It moved closer, and closer. I braced myself for the worse, for the change, to lose who I was.
As the black whole closed in, it moved past me, it whispered to me. 'Peace I will help' I felt a sense of love and protection. A sense that next year would be better. The bricks flew by me dancing around waving good bye to me. The molten glass like pain, the negative emotions roared by me like a river. A beautiful river. I realized I needed to face the pain to make it go away. I need to let it go. When all the negative emotions of what has happened left. It was as if a beautiful garden formed where once rage, and anger was. The pain was gone only the memories, good memories. I could feel the love of my former fat cat. The love of my family that was falling apart. When I looked back to the black whole, it was gone. The cosmos returned. All the negative is gone.
Whenever some new pain comes up, I don't fight the black whole. I don't let a war wage. Instead I send the black whole like a missile to suck up and completely obliterate the pain. I realize now how wonderful life can be. My life is finally going into the right direction.